Let’s talk BOUNDARIES.
Like, how to say no to people when you *really* don’t want to do something, WHY that strengthens your brand, and what boundaries you should put in place for your biz.
*NOTE* This video was recorded LIVE inside my Facebook group, Brand Boldly for Service-Based Entrepreneurs as a #ThirstyThursday training video. Join the group to participate LIVE and get your questions answered in real time.
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Read the audio transcription below
Hey everyone, I am here for this week’s live Q and A call. I want to talk today about boundaries and I have my Budweiser. Honestly, usually I hate Budweiser. And my initial plan for this one wants to do, boundaries and boulevard, but I forgot to go buy boulevard and this is what we had. But actually if you haven’t tried this, it’s a red lager and it’s actually really good. It doesn’t taste like Budweiser at all. Just saying. So Budweiser. Boundaries. That’s what I want to talk about today.
Also exciting news real quick. If you noticed, I finally got my office all organized and it looks freaking cool. If you could see the other side, it also looks cool, but we’ll do that later. Some other video. So I’m really excited about that. it just makes you feel so much better. You know, like when your space is all organized and pretty and how you want it. So if your space is not organized, you should totally do that because it just puts you in a better place, you know, mentally to be able to do what you want to do when your space is your own, you know?
Okay. So boundaries, I really wanted to talk about this today because I keep hearing it around the Internet a lot and I even still have some issues with this stuff myself. So let’s talk for a second about why boundaries are important. Number one reason being so you don’t want to stab people. So you don’t hate everyone and hate your life because really that’s like the reason that we start our own businesses, right? Is to be able to do what we want to do and be happy doing our own thing. When other people interfere with that and like suck the energy out of what you’re doing and just make it not fun. That sucks, right? So we want to avoid that. The way that we avoid things like that are putting firm boundaries in place.
So my dog is here for this live. That was Maya, if you saw her. She’s over here now, but I’m working at home. Right. She’s really good. Anyway, what was I saying?
Boundaries. So kind of the things that I’m talking about are like when you don’t have boundaries in place, you might get people that like don’t respect your time. So I actually had, this is the first time this has happened in a really long time to me, but I actually had this week, someone not show up for a call that they booked, which infuriates the piss out of me. It makes me so mad when people don’t respect my time. And that’s one of my really strong boundaries that I try to enforce. And the way that I do that and the way that you can do that is to set expectations. But the way, but the way that you can set up boundaries, and the way that I have attempted to, is make it so that only the right people can even get on a call with you in the first place. So if you’ve noticed, if you’ve been on my website, if you are interested in working with me, you have to fill out an application and then you get a link to book onto my calendar. And it’s like that for a reason. Not only does it, you know, pre qualify and make sure we’re a good fit, but it shows me that you are like actually invested in, you know, just your time. Like you’re setting up the expectation that this is something that you want to do and you’re not going to waste my time. And for me, if you can’t take the time to fill out a form to book a call, then we’re probably not a very good fit to work together anyway.
So that’s just one of the ways that you can set up boundaries. Now, like I said this week, somebody still filled out the form and then still didn’t show up. So obviously people are going to get through. But it’s really, really important to set those up and in the beginning of your business, especially when you’re first starting out because you want to try to avoid as much of that as possible, you know? So when you… I gotta remember to like pause and drink my, my drink here.
Okay, so I don’t have my headphones today and my dog was like having a shake her collar attack. So if it’s really loud, I’m sorry, let me know if it’s like really annoying and I’ll kick her out. But now she’s scratching anyway.
It’s really important to set those up at the beginning of your business because if you wait until later, if you wait until people have already started taking advantage of you, it’s much harder to set them up after the fact. People have already kind of gotten that expectation in their head, even if like if they’re an existing client. But it’s really an important too just for you in like your, your mental space, you know, like setting firm boundaries for what you will and you will not tolerate in your business.
So some of the other things that you might consider for boundaries are obviously your time is the most valuable asset that you have. Whatever the money that you’re making is important, but it’s not based on your time, you’re, you charge your money based on your value. The value that you’re giving to your clients. So your time is the most precious thing that you have. So anything you can do boundary wise to protect that is awesome.
Schedule. Like even if you don’t have an application form, even just having a calendar to let people book a call with you instead of you just throw on your, your phone number on the website for anybody who wants to talk to you, like that’s not an efficient use of your time.
So I would like to hear, I think Tanya’s on here. Like, does anybody have any like, boundaries that? And if you’re watching the replay, you can just comment in the replay. Because I know this, again, I’m still playing with the times for all of these lives. I know we just started this, so I’m kind of testing out different times of day to see when would work best for most people. So a lot of people have been watching the replay, so just comment on the replay. But if you’ve had any like specific struggles with setting boundaries in your business, like, and maybe it’s something to do with like money, like getting people to pay you on time and getting people to like honor what they said they’re going to do in their contract. Like if they’re not taking responsibility for their results and if they’re like blaming you and being a victim and stuff like that, those are also really important boundaries to set up at the very beginning.
So ways that you can do that are like putting it on even on a sales page or like your page on your website that talks about your program. You don’t want to go into too much detail there, but you know, they’re really effective if you have a section that’s like, what can you expect or how do I know if this is for me? That’s an awesome place for, for things like that. Like if you are 100% committed and you trust yourself and you’re not gonna, you know, you’re going to take responsibility for your actions and your results. So like for me, with my clients, I have absolutely no control over one person’s success or failure. It’s totally up to them. Like as a, as their mentor, coach, strategist, whatever you wanna call it. I like strategist because it doesn’t sound as woo-woo-y, but it’s essentially a coach. I have no control over whether or not they do anything, but it’s my job to help them and guide them and give them every single tool they could possibly need to get where they want to go and encourage and support and just be there and, you know, create a space for them to do what they want to do. But at the end of the day, I have no control over it. So making sure and setting up those boundaries at the very beginning and making it very clear what it is that I actually do and what it is that you actually do and what each of us are responsible for is super, super important to not only like keep everybody happy and not cause any problems, but also to just like set up that relationship from the start with you being like in that position of expert, like I am the leader. This is the journey that we’re taking. I’m the guide. Whereas if you don’t have any kind of boundaries like that and you’re just like, yeah, well we’ll just do whatever you want. That’s, that’s not really, not really helping them. Like in that sounds kind of counterintuitive almost like – don’t do what they say. Don’t do what they want. But that’s not it at all. It’s more like setting up the expectation for how things are going to work so that they can get the most out of the experience working with you.
So boundaries, boundaries are so important. My doggies came back. So what are some other boundaries?
So I, I’m also trying to like not read notes as I’m doing these, so I didn’t write notes today, so I’m just kind of winging it. If I’m all over the place and you think it’s annoying, just let me know and I’ll go back to notes. But I’m trying something new. I got the new office and I got a whole new plan. So for anybody that just joined, if you have any kind of boundaries that you’ve had issues with, like that have caused problems for you and your business comment and let me know and we can talk about it. So the point of these calls are that they’re Q and A calls. So if you have questions, let’s talk about what you have questions about. While the group is still small, we’ve been getting a lot of like people watching the replays and asking that way, so totally do that too. But yeah, so if you have specific boundaries that you want to work through, let me know.
So what else? So we’ve talked about money, we’ve talked about time. So maybe it’s just like you’ve had trouble with people, like I guess that’s still just not respecting your time. So I guess there are just lots of different ways people can be disrespectful of your time. So I talk specifically about like booking calls and not showing up.
Get shit done. Yes. My get shit done thing is so awesome. So my mom actually made that for me. We went to this thing here in Tulsa, it’s called vintage market days and it’s like, they have all this home decor stuff and all the metal signs and all, it’s like the Joanna Gaines type stuff. And it was like, this stuff was super cool and I’m just not really into the, you know, the super frilly, like really scripty font, pretty girl type stuff. I don’t know, that’s just, I just don’t really feel like that’s me. I was like, mom, this stuff is cool, but I just like, I’m not feeling it. I need one that says get shit done. So she totally made it for me and I love it. It’s awesome. And I’ve got my little light bulbs up there and they match my, my filament branding stuff. So I’m excited about my new office.
But anyway. Okay. so respecting your time and like I said at the beginning, like that is your most important asset that you have. So maybe it’s that they don’t show up for a call, so you want to like put those boundaries in place for how to actually get on a call with you. But maybe it, maybe it’s that they just like, maybe they always show up late or they are showing up on time, but they’re like not prepared. They’re never prepared for their calls and they’re just like, they don’t have anything prepared. So all of that stuff is super important to address beforehand. So another another thing that I do to help that – I’ve talked about how some of it’s on a sales page, so before…
Sorry, my dog is down. I’m going to have to kick them out next time. She just like flopped into the desk and shook the whole thing.
No more distractions. Okay. but the next thing I like to do is an orientation packet or a welcome packet or whatever you want to call it is one of my favorite things about my program. It was so fun for me to make and it’s so cool. And it talks about like super practical things like that you should do like clear out any other courses that you’re already working on. So you can focus on this and you know, block off your calendar for certain times that you’re going to work on certain things so you can be efficient and actually get shit done. But it also has a lot of stuff in there about setting up those boundaries and like what is expected of you and what is expected of me. And it’s in the contract. Yes. And hopefully everybody reads the contract. I always read everything. But just in case it’s in there again and it says things like, it’s your responsibility to show up and be prepared with questions.
Yes, it is very helpful. Tanya, yes – orientation packet. Tanya actually has an awesome orientation packet for her business, too. I’ve seen it and it’s totally cool.
So the point of it too, again, these boundaries and like these practical things, but you want to also like keep people excited and you want to phrase these boundaries in a way that actually makes them excited about them. That can be a little bit tricky. But so what that means is like, you don’t want to just say, this is all up to…
Quit scratching your butt on my desk. Sorry.
One of the ways you can do that is just how you word things. So you don’t want to be like, okay, this is all up to you. You got to do the notes, I’m just going to be here. Make it very clear the things that you as a coach, strategist, business owner, landscaper or whatever it is, whatever your business is, make it very clear what your responsibility is also. So if I say something in there like, it’s your job to show up and be prepared with questions. It’s my job to show up and guide the conversation and make sure that the questions that you have prepared and make sure we’re on the right track. And it’s my responsibility to say something if I feel like we’re getting way off track and you know, put myself in the position of “leader” and say, okay, well do you really feel like this path is going to help you get to your goal faster? Or is that just like Shiny Object Syndrome over there?
So that’s like the second side of boundaries – is you have to be able to back up what you’re, what you’re saying. You can’t just say like, you’re going to do this and you’re going to do this and I’m going to do this and then not actually do it. So you have to like practice what you preach, basically. You have to be the expert. You have to embody that with everything that you’re doing.
So beer. So what I mean is like you can’t be afraid and you can’t shy away, not just from confrontation. Hopefully you won’t have any confrontation. Honestly, I haven’t had a lot. Setting all this up beforehand helps eliminate some of that, a lot of that stuff, most of that stuff. And you’re only attracting the people, the right people in the first place. So that really eliminates all of that. But sometimes it doesn’t. And you have to be willing to step up and you know, practice what you preach again and really own what you’re talking about and have those hard conversations if you need to have them. And that doesn’t mean you have to be a dick about it. That doesn’t mean you have to do anything that makes you feel gross or mean. But it does mean that you have to, you know, trust yourself and make sure that what you’re doing really aligns with your goals and your business and make sure that you are able to give your clients whatever it is that you promise them.
So if they’re doing something that doesn’t feel right or it doesn’t really align with their goal or your goal, you have to step up and you have to say it. That’s your job as their leader, mentor, service provider, whatever, whatever your business is, it doesn’t really matter. This applies to literally any business ever. And I think there’s a misconception sometimes where “the customer is always right” and you don’t want to…
Speaking up is half the battle, Tanya. For sure. Like it is hard. It is hard. So it helps. It helps so much if you’ve already spelled it out on paper beforehand, like that really eliminates a lot of the need to ever have to say anything. And again, like we talked about the orientation packet. Also with me, it’s a program, on the very first call call, we kind of go over that stuff too. But like I said, you have to be prepared and you have to be ready to do it if it needs to be done. So what was I saying? I need to like go back and read the comments at the end so I don’t like lose my train of thought. So where was I?
Hm. So I go over them at the beginning of the calls and yeah, I dunno. I totally lost it. This is why I need notes guys. Boundaries are important. Gimme one second. So my contracts are in Dubsado best CRM. Yes. Dubsado is amazing. It’s like my favorite thing ever.
Yeah. Tanya, do you and Kayla know each other? I see you guys talking all the time?
So when we’re setting up these boundaries, I think what I was just saying was the same thing in 15 different, 15 different ways to say the same thing. You have to back up what you’re, what you’re saying and you have to be willing to like step up and have that conversation. So setting the expectation beforehand eliminates that. But if not, there’s always a way to have those conversations and do that in a way that is respectful and, and nice, but still like firm and getting your point across.
Oh, I know what I was gonna say. So like I feel like there’s a misconception sometimes that people think that, like the customer is always right and it’s not your job and it’s not your place to do something that they don’t want to do. But especially in my industry, and I know a lot of the people in this group and in your industry too, that’s just not the case. That’s not true. People might think they know what they need and they might think they know what they want. But that’s definitely not always true. And it takes a little bit of reeducation. Again, gracefully, nicely. It takes a little bit of reeducation though and teaching them what is actually best for them and why and making them understand that. But like the customer is not always right. That is for damn sure. They’re not always right. Even if they think they are. Sometimes they are, hopefully they have a good idea of what they’re doing if they’re in business, but if they’re not, it is your job to step up and give them direction and guide them and people actually want direction and they want you to guide them.
That’s why they come to you in the first place because they don’t know what the eff they’re doing. Like if they didn’t need your help, they wouldn’t come to you in the first place. So if you’re worried about like, like Tanya said a minute ago, like speaking up is half the battle. Like, if you’re worried about that, that’s where you just have to take your brain back and kind of rewire your brain to think like if they came to you, it’s because they need you.
Oh, there’s Dyna, my other dog.
If they came to you, it’s because they need you. And because they value your expertise and they want your help. So freaking give it to them, give them your help, they’re asking for it. They want that guidance. They just might not think that they do. And it might be a little bit hard, but at the end of the day, that’s really the difference between an expert and a service provider.
So obviously we want to be an expert at our thing and we want people to see us as an expert and we want people to value our work and think that what we’re doing is helping them. So that’s really the difference. Like as service provider does what you tell them. Like let’s say when I first started out, I had my graphic design degree. I was a service provider. And I was freaking miserable. It was terrible because I had no boundaries and everybody was just awful all the time. But anyway. A service provider is like someone you go to, like in design industry, what’s like Fiverr or upwork or something like that. It’s like, I need this, here’s this person, you go do it and then give it back to you. Whereas an expert, like a brand strategist or a like even even a graphic designer that has specialized in your specific thing, will tell you if you say, I want this. And they’re like, Eh, if your target audience is this, that’s really not a good idea and that’s really not going to resonate with your people and that’s not going to help you get where you want to go. That’s the type of person you want. And that’s the type of person you need working with you. And at least in my experience when I have done that, and when I have stepped up and said that, people respect the hell out of that. Like they want to know. They don’t know what they don’t know. So just putting yourself in that position of being the expert and giving them the information that they need, even if they don’t know they need it, ups your values so much. Like it makes you more valuable to them, but you have to step up and you have to say it and you have to have the courage to do that.
So just keeping that in mind. Like we want to be an expert. We want to not be just a service provider and we want to give the most value possible and we want them to get the most out of whatever it is that you’re trying to help them do. You want them to get results. Obviously. If you don’t, then leave the group. But you want them to get results and that’s the best way to do it.
Okay. So I look at me, I held off to read the comments until I finished my thought because I knew I would forget. Okay. Customers are always right. False. Yes. Tanya. Yes, yes, yes. Exactly. So just totally had an Aha moment. YES! Awesome, Kayla! That’s exactly why I loved you in our first chat, your feedback was awesome. Thank you Kayla. That’s awesome.
So yeah, I’m kinda liking this, not having notes. Just kind of going with whatever comes out. So hopefully you liked it. If you think I’m like, if you didn’t like this format, let me know and we can play with it. I dunno, I might not listen to you because I really liked doing it, but we’ll see how it goes. So that’s all I had planned for this section. So anybody that’s watching, if you have any questions or you have like certain boundaries or anything else that you want to talk about that has to do with boundaries or really anything else, whatever else you want to ask, that’s cool too. But having a theme as good.
So I’ll wait for just a second and drink more of my Budweiser. For anybody that came in late, honestly I hate Budweiser in general. And I wanted to do this like uh, boundaries and boulevard, but I didn’t remember to buy boulevard and we have this, but it’s actually really good. So it’s this Budweiser red lager, and I hate like IPAs and hoppy beers, but this is not at all. Usually reds are really hoppy, but this is not and it’s actually really good and you should try it.
So cool. So you guys got to see my new office and my dogs and a mess that they made by slamming into my desk where they were scratching. So I will close the door next time, but they’re so cute and you got to see them. So that’s all I got for you guys. If we don’t have any comments, then people watching the replay leave your comments or questions or whatever you got in here and I’ll get to them when I come back and probably tomorrow I’ll come back in and kind of look through again and see what we got. But that’s all today. So you guys are awesome. Thank you for coming live and talking to me and drinking booze with me. Hopefully you’re drinking booze. I know Tanya is, she told me she was drinking her, the how I met your mother, that show is awesome by the way. I love it.
I love your office and your puppies. Don’t lock them out you monster. They would be sad. They’re like, they think I’m totally weird because they’re like, who is she talking to? Why is she in there talking? We know no one else is home right now so they have to come check it out. Or lick their butt like she’s doing right now. So hey, if you want ’em in, I’m cool with that. But they might slam into the desk and knock things over like they did earlier. At least it didn’t knock the camera over though.
So cool. All right, well I will talk to you guys again. Like I said, I’ll come back and answer questions and stuff in the group tomorrow and then on Sunday it’s #SpotlightSunday with Tanya. Tanya, I hope you’re ready. You keep hearing me talk about Tanya and she is going to be talking about her amazing, awesome business and it’s going to be freaking awesome. I say awesome a lot, and I say cool a lot and I’m working on that, but it is, it’s awesome. So come back on Sunday. We’ll hear from Tanya and I will talk to you guys soon. Have a good night.
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