3 ways to stop self sabotaging with Tamera Chapman

Tamera Chapman is IN THE HOUUUUSEEEE.

She’s a Mindset Coach for Purpose Driven Entrepreneurs and we’re gonna’ be talking about:

  1. anxiety and fear or other feelings that dictate how we show up in our businesses
  2. what happens when we try to hide from that feeling, and
  3. how to notice it and WELCOME the crap out of it!

I can’t freaking wait.

Tamera’s website: tamerachapman.com
If you’re struggling with anxiety & fear in your biz, book a free call with Tamera here: schedulewithtamera.as.me/discovery

*NOTE* This video was recorded LIVE inside my Facebook group, Brand Boldly for Service-Based Entrepreneurs as a #SpotlightSunday feature. Join the group to participate LIVE and get YOUR biz featured to the group for free.

Not a video person? No worries.

Read the audio transcription below

Brooke Lawson:

Hello everyone! We are here for #SpotlightSunday. We’re five minutes late because technology problems, but we are here and this is Tamera and Tamera can go ahead and introduce herself and we’ll get started.

 

Tamera Chapman:

Awesome. All right, well, I’m Tamera Chapman. I’m the mindset coach for purpose driven entrepreneurs. I have been doing a one on one coaching for the past, oh my gosh, I want to say I’ve been doing it since I was 15. But honestly getting paid for it for the past couple years. I had started out with network marketing and got really ill in 2015 and decided that I needed to really do some soul searching and I realized that the network marketing was a huge step in this and then decided to go take that leap and start my own business.

 

Brooke Lawson:

How fun. That’s so exciting. Since you were 15! Just talking to your friends or…?

 

Tamera Chapman:

Well, I was raised in foster care and it was, I was the one that people always came to. I didn’t realize it was a gift that I had, but now I see how I was created to do, I was just created to do this. I feel so at home with it.

 

Brooke Lawson:

That’s amazing. I love stories like that, where it’s just you, it’s not a job. That’s amazing.

 

Tamera Chapman:

Oh my gosh. I’m going to get, I always get teary eyed. I’m overly emotional. I’m so sorry!

 

Brooke Lawson:

No, that’s okay! You don’t have to apologize for anything. That’s awesome. I love it when people are just so passionate about their thing. Perfect. Oh sorry, my phone’s going off. Okay. So the next question is the one I ask everybody, it’s what is your definition of branding and how has branding affected your business?

 

Tamera Chapman:

Well, branding is something I’m currently working on. To me, it’s how I relate to the people that are going to connect with me. I would relate with somebody that’s a Target shopper, we label ourselves as Target shoppers. So I know that I’m going to find my people and target somewhere. But really, it’s just how I connect with my people and it represents, it gives somebody an idea within 12 seconds if they want to interact with me.

 

Brooke Lawson:

12 seconds. I that. That’s an awesome goal. Cool. Perfect. Okay, sorry, I’m looking at my notes over here. That’s the end of my questions, so let’s just dive in. What do you want to teach us today?

 

Tamera Chapman:

Cool. Well, the three things that we’re going to talk about is, and I am reading my notes over here. We’re actually at our home away from home in San Diego under some unfortunate circumstances. But, the show must go on. And this is so perfect because what I want to talk about is anxiety and fear and how they show up in our business and even our personal life. What happens when we try to hide that feeling? And, how we’ll notice and welcome it. We just really need to welcome it because it’s not going to go away, especially if you’re an entrepreneur and you’re showing up in the way that you’re meant to show up.

 

Brooke Lawson:

That’s so true.

 

Tamera Chapman:

Yes, yes. And it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been in business. Sometimes you see these top people, maybe Marie Forleo or Chalene Johnson and we think, oh, well they have, so they exude so much confidence and they don’t have these, anxiety and fear issues and you just can’t wait til you get there. But the truth is, every time they take a step up and they create something new, they have the same anxiety and fear that people that are just beginning that we have. So it doesn’t ever go away. And it’s really good when you can recognize it and then just totally welcome it.

 

Brooke Lawson:

Yes! Sorry, I have something in my eye. I’m not like, I’m so sorry for being distracting, but I have something in my eye, so just ignore me and continue.

 

Tamera Chapman:

No, I feel that way, too. I’m like, I need to wipe my eyes just from introducing myself, it made my eyes water. So no, but, most of my clients don’t even cognitively realize that they’re experiencing an emotion. How often do we walk around and we’re like, this must be anxiety and this is why I’m reacting and this sort of way. But the truth is, that it shows up differently for everyone. So what I recognize with, a lot of my clients is it shows up in overeating. It shows up in overdrinking. Those are the two big ones. And a huge one is also, over personal developing. It might look like, oh my gosh, and I am so guilty. I’m guilty of all of these, although I don’t drink anymore, but I’m guilty of pretty much everything else that I’m talking about.

 

And that’s when I recognize. What is it that I’m trying to run from? So, but overplanning. It is so much fun to plan for our business, but when it comes down to doing the work, that’s when we’re like, maybe I wasn’t meant to do this? Maybe this isn’t going to work? And that’s a big reason why when we make a decision in the beginning of coaching, we stick out that decision. And you can change it later. But what I to teach people is to stick things through because that’s when emotions well up. That’s when feelings and you know, it’s rarely that an action follows a feeling in a good way. It’s usually you have to start the action and that makes the feeling of wanting to do something happen.

 

Other ways that it shows up is, when you start doubting that yourself, and you’re like, I need to be spending more time with my kids and my husband. I mean, obviously there’s a balance, but it happens so often that you start feeling guilty for these things that don’t normally come up. Scrolling Facebook or Instagram and comparing ourselves. That’s another way it shows up. Buying, going out and buying things, is another way. Retail therapy is, it’s not necessarily a good thing. I mean if it’s planned, it’s fine. But really it just means that we’re trying to avoid a feeling that we don’t want to deal with. When we hide from an emotion, we don’t ever truly have to deal with it. And that’s the point – is we want to recognize the emotions that we’re having. The anxiety and the fear. And realize that this is a normal feeling. That anxiety and fear is not going to go away.

 

Just when we were getting on this call and Skype wasn’t working the way that it was supposed to. I was like, I feel it in my back and I can’t breathe. And you know, it’s just a normal feeling and we have to realize that it’s going to come. And you can welcome it and say, you know what? It’s here because I’m showing up in a way that might be a little bit uncomfortable. Or in front of a group of people that they might come, they might reject me. And you know, we don’t have that control over anybody rejecting us. So we just have to show up anyways. So, awesome. Going back to my notes, here.

 

Brooke Lawson:

I love it. Everything you’ve said is amazing so far and we’ve got some comments, too. Heather says she’s so guilty of retail therapy. Yeah, I am guilty of emotional eating in those situations. I want all the mashed potatoes and ice cream and that’s what I’m working on right now.

 

Tamera Chapman:

Yes, yes. And the best way to – which we’ll get to the end – but the best way is to preplan everything and that’s when you’re going to be able to really deal with the emotions. Because we’re just so used to reacting. And the way my coach explained to me is, we’re very primitive brained. We just want to react and do things. But we were gifted with the brain that separates us from animals and that’s where we get to plan things. And things that help us to be really productive and creative in life. And we want to take advantage of doing that. But it takes discipline, and that’s where a lot of people fall short. Because we want to react rather than look at what’s going on in our life.

 

So noticing, another thing was just becoming aware of it. So for anxiety, how I mentioned just now, anxiety, I feel it in my back. I seriously start feeling the hunchback of Notre Dame. My shoulders go up, my back goes out and I can’t breathe. And I realize, okay, this is anxiety. And normally what I would do is I would panic or I would go grab something to drink. I would go Netflix binge. I’m like, but I have to see the last night 9 episodes of New Girl. You have no idea!

 

Brooke Lawson:

So important!

 

Tamera Chapman:

Right? It’s life changing. But just recognizing, okay, where is it showing up for you? Are you feeling it in what part of your body? Is it a soft feeling? Is it a hard feeling? Is it, does it have a color? Which seems so crazy, but, and I always tell people this, I’m going to ask you, and it’s going to sound silly, but does it have a color? And most people are like red. Or gray. And I’m like, so it does have a color. It’s really interesting. But just to recognize it and that way, when it does come up, especially fear. Fear and anxiety feel the same for me. I’ll fill it in my throat. I feel I have a lump in my throat. We physically are reacting to an emotion because we think this emotion is going to kill us. We’re like, it’s going to kill me. I have to run from it. But the truth is, we don’t. We can just recognize it and welcome it and move forward with our life and be like, okay, well that was fun. You know, there goes that anxiety.

 

But ways to overcome this and to even set yourself up for success and recognizing it is to schedule your life. And I know a lot of people, they’re like, but that’s why I’m an entrepreneur. I don’t want to schedule my life. But the truth is, the more scheduled you are, the more free you really are. And every successful entrepreneur I know, they just agree with that. And I’m like, well, we must be on to something. So I believe it. But plan your day 24 hours in advance and know that you’re not gonna feel like doing what you’re supposed to do when it’s time to do it. And when you realize that you’re not going to feel like doing it, then you can maybe stop doubting yourself and your abilities and show up in the way that you’re supposed to. Because you’ll say, okay, well I don’t feel doing it, but I knew I wasn’t going to feel doing it, but I’m going to do it anyways.

 

So, when you, when you don’t want to follow your schedule, ask yourself in that moment, what is it that you’re trying to avoid? For me it was rejection. Like, I had this, I said, I was raised in foster care. You know, I come from a schizophrenia mom that had ton of issues. My Dad ended up committing suicide. I ha it was just fear mongered my entire life. And so when I would try to avoid beer, it was like, it plagued me because they couldn’t show up in the way that I wanted to show up in the world. So, sorry, I went off trail there, but you know, to show that you’re, you’re going to experience these emotions and, and I always wanted to seek approval for people even in network marketing. If someone didn’t improve or they were doing it better than I started doubting myself and I didn’t realize my true authenticity and it’s stifled my growth and u

 

You’ll never be able to control what people are thinking. Brooke, you might like me today and, tomorrow you might not like me. You might be in a bad mood and I might be the first person you see and you’re like like, ugh. But I have no control over that.

 

Brooke Lawson:

That won’t happen. I can promise you that. But I get it. You’re so right. It’s so true.

 

Tamera Chapman:

Yeah. Yes. And so wouldn’t you rather just show up in the way that you’re supposed to show up and not care what other people think? Rather than trying to control something you have no control over. I think that’s what freed me from transitioning from network marketing with a huge team to transitioning to my own business. I was so scared that they were going to reject me. But I wasn’t living my true calling in life. And when I made that switch, I was like, what was I so scared of? Now more people are getting value and changing their lives by what I have to share versus a product that I wasn’t really passionate about.

 

Brooke Lawson:

That’s amazing. I love that. I love that perspective.

 

Tamera Chapman:

Thank you. Another thing is to ask yourself, well we just went over that, is asking yourself if you’re scared that somebody is going to reject you. But when you do put work out there and you have to know it’s not going to be perfect. I’m about to put another program out that freaks me out because I feel I might, I’m like, what if it’s this? What if it’s that? What if I’m not covering this topic? What if I? I have all these questions. But I would rather put work out knowing that I did my best. And so that might be B minus work, rather than not showing up at all. Right. And you know, because at least I’m getting, I’m going to get feedback from people and it’s going to help me to change and accommodate – not really accommodate – but to reach people in a way that they’re asking for. But the only way I would know that is if I put that work out there.

 

Brooke Lawson:

Yes, yes, yes.

 

Tamera Chapman:

So definitely don’t, when you have that anxiety and fear, do it anyways. Do it anyways. But show up for yourself. Obviously you’ve got show up and do the work. It’s work. No matter what. It’s work and sometimes people want to avoid that. They don’t want to do the work. But all of that can become very overwhelming and you feel you have so many things to do. Like, I’m getting ready to do an expert interview series. If you’ve never done one, it is a lot of freaking to get out there. I think I’ve sent out like 200 emails in the past week. It’s insane. And then we have the death of my husband’s uncle. And then the next day my foster daughter’s dad passed away. And telling that to her.

 

So much happened and I was sitting in my bed and I’m feeling that anxious feeling. I’m starting to feel sorry for myself. And then I remember that, you know what? I only have today in front of me. What can I do today that’s going to get me 80% of the results that I’m looking for? And so you find that 20% of work that’s going to give you 80% of your results, and then you just start attacking it. Like, if you like lists, then you write down and list. And do it that way. But attack those 20% of the things that give you the 80% of results and when you go to bed that night, you’re not feeling so anxious because you were very productive. Even if you only got 20 of the things done. I learned that with Brian Tracy in a book called Eat That Frog! I don’t know if you’re familiar with it.

 

Brooke Lawson:

No, I’ll have to look it up!

 

Tamera Chapman:

Yeah, he’s a little dry, but the concept is a really great concept. So, just to recap is, is schedule yourself. Live by your calendar. Even if you think that it’s not freedom, it really is. Ask yourself why you’re afraid to put yourself out there, if that is an issue. And then remember that you only have today and to do 20% of what will give you 80% results.

 

Brooke Lawson:

Awesome. That’s amazing. Seriously, those three things are it. That’s all you need. Really.

 

Tamera Chapman:

Thank you!

 

Brooke Lawson:

I love it. Especially the planning one, too. Because I hear that same thing from a lot of my clients because I’m a huge advocate of calendars and planning everything, too. And it sounds so silly but I plan my free time. I block out my calendar as this is free time. Don’t put anything else here. And I feeI like I actually have more of it. And I do, have more freedom, when I can actually see it laid out on the calendar. Yu know? That’s so true.

 

Tamera Chapman:

People will forget to give themselves free time. They’ll work and work and work. I was going to school online full time. I have like 180 credits, 184 credits right now. And I am constantly just educating myself because I really value education. But it would be to a point where I was working all day on my business. I was working all day on homework. And then I would have, I have a husband who, I’m a big advocate on marriage and having a strong marriage. Because what is my life without my husband if I’m going to lose him during the process? I have children and I live with my in-laws and we’re helping to get them on their feet. And you know, life is busy. And you cannot forget that you need to have free time, too. And you need to plan it, you need to plan it. Because if you don’t, eventually you’ll get to the point where you just start slacking and buffering. And when you’re supposed to be working on your business, you’ll be doing the drinking and Netflixing and all those different things.

 

Brooke Lawson:

Ice cream eating.

 

Tamera Chapman:

Yes! Right? But then you’ll start feeling guilty and then you’ll attach guilt and shame to you. And we don’t want to do that either. So, it’s just really good that you are scheduled and planned and realize that life is going to happen. Yes, yes, yes.

 

Brooke Lawson:

Yes, yes, yes. I love it. That was so, so good. So good. I’ll go through and read the comments and see if anybody has any questions. If anybody joined late or anything and you have any questions, now is the time. Let’s see what we got. Hi everyone. We’ve been getting so many hearts, too. You’re killing it with the hearts.

 

Tamera Chapman:

Yay!

 

Brooke Lawson:

I love the hearts!

 

Tamera Chapman:

Me too!

 

Brooke Lawson:

Hi Brittany! Heather says, I noticed my body tells me when I’m stressed, too. Very similar to what you said, Tamera. I feel it, like you said, you’re back and your throat. I feel it in my throat and my chest. My chest gets really tight.

 

Tamera Chapman:

Yeah.

 

Brooke Lawson:

Dorothy’s here and Heather says, it says, I know you can’t see Tamera, but I’m heart bombing the shit out of you right now.

 

Tamera Chapman:

Yay!!!

 

Brooke Lawson:

And Heather wants to know if you have a sample of what a successful calendar would look like?

 

Tamera Chapman:

Well, I have my own personal calendar. But I can post that in the Facebook group. Obviously it’s gonna look different for everybody. But it’s not doing a calendar to make you feel productive. Really, I don’t do a time calendar. I do a results calendar. And that’s what I tell people that I work with. Don’t schedule two hours to do emails. Schedule two hours to do 200 emails. So you’re doing, obviously that’s a lot, but so you’re getting the result that you want. Not necessarily doing it with time because you could be on there and then you’re looking at your phone, there goes five minutes. Then you’re doing this and you’re looking at your phone and you know, we’re probably all guilty of that. I know I am.

 

Brooke Lawson:

I’m sure everybody is, I am.

 

Tamera Chapman:

For sure. For sure. But definitely, I can post something in there.

 

Brooke Lawson:

Yeah, I think that would be really cool to see. And I can post mine, too. And if anybody else wants to post their calendar, that might be fun. Because like you said, it’s going to look different for everybody because everybody’s version of success is different. I do something similar, though. I also do it based on results and I put my free time in first. If there are non negotiables, like I have my yoga schedule in there. Okay this is yoga. I’ll plan everything else around this and I’ll get it done. But prioritizing which things are the most important to you based on what your idea of success is. Like you said, your family and everything is really important, too. So putting that first when you need to put it first and fitting everything else in around it. And sometimes it’s the opposite too, unfortunately. But just figuring out what that means for you I think is really important.

 

Tamera Chapman:

Absolutely. And including sex on your calendar. I have to put that on my calendar. Because

 

Brooke Lawson:

That’s a good idea, actually!

 

Tamera Chapman:

Because I’m like a camel and I could go like, a year without it. I’m like, hmmm, I need to write that in there.

 

Brooke Lawson:

I’ve never even thought of that! But that’s not a bad idea at all.

 

Tamera Chapman:

Well, one thing I noticed is if I go longer than three days, my husband starts getting irritable. And then –like literally – we did a test on it. And I showed it to him and I’m like, you start getting irritable if you’ve gone three days without it. And we know that’s our limit. And it’s so easy with such busy lives that we could forget about it, but then we’re neglecting our marriage. So it’s huge. Balancing and making sure, well, I don’t believe in a balanced life. I believe there’s balancing periods depending on what’s going on in your life.

 

Brooke Lawson:

Yes, that’s definitely true. Let’s see, we got a couple more questions in here. I use Google calendar with color for each business or type of task. Oh yeah. Mine’s color coded all day long too.

 

Tamera Chapman:

Yeah, mine too.

 

Brooke Lawson:

Heather says I have sex on my habit tracker. Okay. Whatever works. And yeah, maybe it’s not always an actual calendar, but some kind of other system. Like, if a calendar doesn’t work for you. As long as you’re planning something and being intentional about what you’re doing and where you’re spending your time and all that stuff.

 

Tamera Chapman:

Absolutely. Yeah, mine’s on my menstrual calendar. Because I’m like, I am feeling crabby. I need to look up when the next day it is.

 

Brooke Lawson:

Keep it all together!

 

Tamera Chapman:

Yes, exactly. Definitely. But whatever works for you. I mean for some people, Google. For the longest time, everybody was saying write down, take a calendar and physically write it. That does not work for me.

 

Brooke Lawson:

Hmm-mm. Me neither.

 

Tamera Chapman:

And I kept thinking, there must be something wrong with me. Because you know, I can’t seem to stick with that. But then I started using Google calendar four years ago and I was like, this was amazing. And I get reminders. So I know how to transition to my next task. So yeah.

 

Brooke Lawson:

Yes. So, so true. The same exact thing happened to me. And I’m like, I don’t have OCD, but I’m very design OCD if that were a thing. And if it’s not in a perfect line or if there’s too many scribble marks or my handwriting looks bad. I was focusing on that instead of the calendar. So yeah, just finding something that works. I use Google calendar too and it’s amazing.

 

Tamera Chapman:

Yes, definitely. Awesome. Well thank you so much! This has been fun. I was kind of nervous. I was like, oh, we’re going to go live. I’m still working on my live things and like, oh, what do I do with my hands? They’re down here. I’m like spirit fingers! Jazz hands!

 

Brooke Lawson:

This has amazing. Seriously those are such good tips. Thank you so much for coming in and sharing!

 

Tamera Chapman:

Thank you!

 

Brooke Lawson:

If anybody’s watching, when you’re watching the replay, if you have any questions or comments for Tamera or myself, just put them in there and we can check back later. But thank you for everybody who has shown up live, too. We’ve had a few people on live and all the heart bombs, especially Heather, who dropped all the heart bombs!

 

Tamera Chapman:

Thank you Heather!

 

Brooke Lawson:

This has been an amazing one. So if you are just joining, I’ve seen a couple of people just joining late, you definitely want to go back and watch the beginning of this one. And ignore when my eye was pouring water. Ignore that part. Because Tamera was amazing. So just blocking my half of the screen if you need to. But it’s been awesome. It’s been so fun having you and I will talk to you again soon in the group because you’re in here all the time and I love seeing you in here.

 

Tamera Chapman:

Yes, yes, yes. Thank you so much. I appreciate you all the value that you give constantly. I’ve recommended you to a few people, a few people to you, because they could come in and just do your free thing and get so much value out of it. And I think that that’s what really is great about business owners. When they’re willing to do that and not care that maybe somebody might get value out of it and not ever pay you. I think that that’s amazing. Obviously our goal is to make money as business, or else we wouldn’t be in business, but for someone to give value. I’ve worked with a lot of people who won’t give value. They just give you enough that makes you need to talk to them about something more and I always feel icky about that. I’m like, I want to give you massive value and if you want to hire me because you need one on one help, that’s when I want to work with you.

 

Brooke Lawson:

That’s exactly my strategy, too. So I’m so glad that you are enjoying it. And it’s so awesome to have you in here. It really is. I love it. You’re one of my top engagement people all the time on my little stat list. It’s amazing. I love it. And you’re always providing really good feedback, too. Not just little emojis. I mean, I love emojis. I’m big on emojis, but you know what I mean.

 

Tamera Chapman:

Well thank you so much everyone.

 

Brooke Lawson:

Yes, thank you. Oh wait, wait, wait. You had your discovery calls, too. Did you want to talk about those for a second?

 

Tamera Chapman:

Sure, sure. If anybody feels like they need just to understand a little bit deeper about how they might have some emotions that they’re not dealing with or where they’re not showing up in their business. I decided to go ahead and do a free, no obligation, no pressure, 30 minute discovery calls and the link is in the event, but I’ll also put it in, and you can feel free to schedule with me. I just love connecting with people. I’m really good at pointing out patterns and I want someone to be like, oh my gosh! I’ve been doing that! And that’s where I get my excitement. And it’s always good on calls. I feel that’s always the best.

 

Brooke Lawson:

Yes. So if you need help, sign up. It is in the event and I’ll put it also in either in the comments or in the description of this video, too. So you shouldn’t have a problem finding it. But sign up for that everybody.

 

Tamera Chapman:

Yes, thank you!

 

Brooke Lawson:

Thank you. Alright, well I will be back in here. When will I be back? I’ll be back Thursday. But, everybody else, feel free to post in the group and tell us if you like this video and ask any questions that you have and we will talk soon.

 

Tamera Chapman:

All right. Bye Brooke, bye everyone!

 

Brooke Lawson:

Bye!

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Hey, I’m Brooke!

I’m a Creator archetype, INTJ, and music snob. I will fight you if you try to convince me that a MacBook is an instrument. It’s not.

But as far as this whole business thang goes… I’m basically a weird mix of creative-big-picture-thinker and analytical strategery all rolled into one.

I can help you use your unique personality to stand out BOLDLY online and attract your ideal clients like a freakin’ magnet – just by being YOU.


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